“Cola” by Lana Del Rey Sucks

For the past few weeks, every time I go anywhere that sells music I see Lana Del Rey.  She stares at me, seductively, from the cover of her album PARADISE.  The only thing I knew about Lana Del Rey was that she was super-polarizing and that her appearance on SNL a while back was much maligned.  I saw that performance and didn’t think it was as bad as everyone said, but then again I’ve always been a sucker for a pretty face.

Like. Pepsi. Cola.

Like. Pepsi. Cola.

Anyway, last night I was stumbling through my local record store and for some reason I decided to pick up PARADISE.  I turned it over and was amused that one of the tracks was titled “Cola.”  I told my friend who was with me at the time that I was going to listen to this song when I got home.

And so, a few hours later, just before I went to bed I entered the world of Lana Del Rey.  I fired up Spotify and gave “Cola” and most of PARADISE a listen.  I picked “Cola” because that word seemed so odd on the back of a CD, especially on the back of one with such an enigmatic person on the front.

I didn’t know what to expect when I hit play but I certainly wasn’t expecting “My pussy tastes like Pepsi cola, my eyes are wide like cherry pies, I gots [sic] a taste for men who are older.”  I guess my first thought was Gee, this song should be titled “Pepsi Cola” and then I realized that there was no way in hell Pepsi would let her get away with that. The song is dark, brooding, and kinda sexy…but they lyrics are atrociously stupid.  The kind of vapid non-sense girls AND boys in creative writing classes the globe over churn endlessly churn out.

On just about every level, I can’t imagine who this song is supposed to appeal to.  Is “Cola” a four-minute joke?  Is Lana Del Rey making fun of us for making fun of her by releasing a song this absurd? I don’t know and I’m not sure I really care. As I get older I find my patience for this sort of thing gets shorter and shorter.  I really wanted to give Lana Del Rey a fair shake, but “Cola” made it virtually impossible for me to do that, it’s just too ridiculous. 

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8 thoughts on ““Cola” by Lana Del Rey Sucks

  1. I haven’t listened to Cola, but we do own Born to Die. I like the album, but I definitely need to be in the mood for it. She is the modern-day Alanis in my book. And, I loved Alanis. A long time ago, but I did love Alanis. Thanks for the post!

    • Not sure if I hear the Alanis comparison…but the only song I’ve been able to fully “absorb” is “Cola.” Please listen to “Cola” and tell me what you think.

      • Oh, no way does she ‘sound’ like Alanis, but in terms of what she’s all about…

        Alanis was a freaking angry woman. In a way, so is Del Ray, but she’s so disappointed that it had to turn out that way, so she just ends up sounding a bit whinier. Nevertheless, they both sing about exes… 😛

        I will listen and give you my opinion. I like opinions. Check out my blog. I’m just starting out and need some views 🙂

  2. Ok, so I gave it a listen, and…

    Apart from the first line, it’s a bit vanilla for mine.

    Video Games is a song I hated ’til it grew on me (and that might be only because I’m female.) Diet Mountain Dew is brilliant, and I also admire Radio. I’m enjoying reading your stuff. Please keep it up, I’ll follow keenly. 🙂

  3. Xuan says:

    ‘I really wanted to give Lana Del Rey a fair shake, but “Cola” made it virtually impossible for me to do that, it’s just too ridiculous.’
    LOL, cause it’s so fucking ridiculous that a woman is actually not ashamed of having sex and openly expressing it? 80% of all mainstream hip hop songs include sexual (AND sexist) lyrics, however, nobody seems to care any longer, since most hip hop artists displayed in popular culture are men. Yeah, I’m playing THAT card.
    Sorry for being annoying, but I’m more than fed up with always hearing the same “critics” about her as there are actually things to seriously criticise her for, but people alway give her the same hilarious shit.

  4. mickemowse says:

    Cola happens to be my favorite song on the album, and incidentally it’s the most accessible besides videos games and blue jeans. Thing is, you can’t take cola seriously, it’s kind of a joke–after reading about it, Lana herself said her Scottish b/f actually said her pussy tasted like Pepsi cola. Take that for what it is.
    I don’t know a terrible lot about her hype (other than around the time Skyfall came out people on YouTube referred to her a lot.), but I’m going to go ahead and defend her; she’s an interesting artist because her personality isn’t particularly attention whoring. Her presence ALONE causes controversy. THAT’S power. Second she’s one of very few artists in a generation (about 25 years) that hasn’t really suffered from the prepackaged popster route. She’s not what I’d call, “instant pancakes”. So what we are watching is a developing artist (unheard of in today’s music industry!!), someone who has some ability, but has not reached full potential yet. It’s like we’re watching a star doing their first couple open mics–grinding it out on a Wednesday at 11am at a coffee shop. This is the reason why she’s controversial–she’s new, still developing vocally and she’s famous already. That pisses people off that she wasnt coached and overproduced for years and then packaged off like Britney Spears. Here you go audience, look what we manufactured! She wasnt “made” like that.

    I like her because she’s performing without a net…old school. She goes onstage without autotune to save her ass; and to do that in front a huge audience that’s used to EXTREME autotune for the lions share of a decade takes a huge amount of guts. She has my respect, I can’t wait to see where she is in 2 or 3 years.

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