Category Archives: Ramblings

Jan 16 2012
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Ramblings

Over-thinking Toby Keith’s crappy “Red Solo Cup”

This post is lovingly dedicated to my friend Becky.

I’m not one of these people who thinks that all music has to “say something” or be “serious art” all the time.  But I gotta say, I really hate novelty songs.  No matter how clever or funny you think a novelty song is, given enough time you’re gonna hate it.  Which is why even after 25+ years of making music, Weird Al si still on the fringes of  cultural acceptance.  Novelty songs are bubble-gum in the purest sense: it’s sugary and good for about two minutes before it turns nasty and you have to spit it out.

Last week I heard Toby Keith’s song “Red Solo Cup” for the first time at work.  I share an office now with an older woman who likes to listen to the radio while we work. Unlike a lot of people I don’t mind not getting to pick the radio station, sometimes I like hearing new things.  And besides, I’m at work, what am I gonna do?  It’s not like I have a choice…

So we were listening to the local country station and this song came on about fucking plastic cups.  Now I’m not a huge country fan but not all country is stupid hillbilly music. Johnny Cash was a badass and I like Gram Parsons. Anyway, one of the appeals of country music is the material, the idealized agrarian lifestyle, the yearning for simpler times, surviving a harsh world, bucking broncos,  and crying in one’s beer.  Modern country music isn’t about anything cool like that.  It’s basically about the same stuff as mainstream pop music is about.  But you know, with a twang.

This Toby Keith song, “Red Solo Cup” is basically a song about that ubiquitous party cup.  But if you think about it, the Red Solo Cup represents everything bad-ass outlaw Country dudes SHOULD be against.  The Red Solo Cup ain’t even from Texas, it’s from New York City….NEW YORK CITY!!!

Toby, are you saying I'm a loser for not liking your cup song?

Seriously, think about it: the Red Solo Cup is part of the  “disposable lifestyle” that of corporate America’s always shoving down our throats.  The idea that we should use a cup once and throw away is anti-artisan, anti-homemade, and anti-country. But hey, Toby’s just a good-time good ‘ole boy! He’s not here to THINK he’s here to DRINK. Okay, fine.  But how about the fact that this song is basically a spoken-word piece.  It’s not really sung so much as “read” by Toby Keith.  Which, again, is fine except the same red-neck idiots who giggle and guffaw at this bullshit have the nerve to turn around and say ignorant shit like “well rap ain’t music, that’s just talkin’.”

And anyway at the heart of the matter: it’s a stupid one-joke song.  It’s “Grandma Got Run-over by a Reindeer.” Except that song is slightly better because “Grandma Got Run-over by a Reindeer” is a Christmas song, and thus only played during the holidays which helps keep it away from me most of the time. The fact that this plastic cup song is #1 Country song on iTunes AND it’s played every hour-on-the-hour on the local Country radio station is both bleak and telling.  If I was flipping through the dial I might even think I’d stumbled upon a really long commercial.

Which reminds me., you know who’s happy about this song? Well, besides Toby Keith, who’s no doubt loving the fact that he’s enjoying some success again: the Solo Cup Company.  I bet they’re laughing all the way to bank.  In fact, I predict that in a few years we’ll see a Solo Cup ad or commercial that uses this song (you know, when it’s no longer culturally relevant and the licensing fees are more economical).

Bottom line: “Red Solo Cup” is going to be the answer to an obscure trivia question in about six months, just wait and see.

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Jan 12 2012
4 Comments
Ramblings, Your Next Favorite Band

Your Next Favorite Band: The Replacements

I don’t even know where to start with this one.  The Replacements are like an institution in the pop/punk world.  I want to say something stupid like “they’re as important as The Beatles” or “they’re a bit like Nirvana” but that doesn’t do them justice.  The Replacements started out as a shitty punk band in Minnesota  and became something much more, so much more.  Without The Replacements there would be no fucking Green Day, I’ll tell you that.

So much hair-product, so little time.

Lead singer/song-writer Paul Westerberg is a genius.  You want catchy as hell songs that are also ABOUT something? Then look no further.  His lyrics are literate and biting…and yet also sweet and almost naive at the same time.   They’re tough as hell and soft as a pillow. He’s that special kind of badass that can write about how sad and lonely he is without coming off like a sissy.  For me this is best encapsulated by their song “Unsatisfied.” It’s tough as hell and makes me want to cry it’s so heart-on-their-sleeve the lyrics should be written in blood.

The band evolved from spikey, angry-youngman punk (see the STINK Ep) to more refined power-pop  (PLEASED TO MEET ME).  Whenever a band changes so dramatically it usually means their is a real artist involved, because in my opinion, a true artist is never content to bang out the same crap year after year.  The songs were written 20+ years ago and yet they still seem fresh and relevant.  This is 80’s music that doesn’t seem to be 80’s music.

So if they’re so fucking great, why haven’t you heard of them? Well, they were so punk-rock they had this almost pathologically desire to ruin their careers.  I’ve seen old MTV footage of them cursing and carousing drunkenly on TV, just trying to piss people off.   They basically sabotaged their own careers at almost every turn.  They were young, dumb, addicted to drugs, and didn’t really fit any mold corporate America gave them.  If they’d come out just a few years later they would have been Nirvana, I’m convinced of that.  Really, The Replacements were an unsuccessful Nirvana–in that they refused to play the corporate-shrill game…but the zeitgeist wasn’t with The Replacements like it was with Kurt Cobain & Company.  But I don’t feel too bad for them, success would have just ruined the party.  It’s more fun to be the under-dog anyway, right?

Little did they realize they'd be naming their 1984 release LET IT BE. I'm sure if they knew they'd have dressed up...

There are so many good songs, so many 100% perfect albums from this band, I don’t even know what to recommend you check out.  I guess start with PLEASED TO MEET ME and LET IT BE. Oh yeah, The Replacements had THE TESTICULAR FORTITUDE to name their 1984 album the same as The Beatles final (chronologically released) album.  It would be like if Kanye’s next album was called SGT. PEPPER’S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND. Holy fuck, I’d like to have been there when the label found out.

There’s a Big Star connection in that, like most ’80s rockers, Paul Westerberg worshiped at the alter of Alex Chilton’s Band.  The Replacements kick so much ass, I haven’t done them any favors in any of this dribble: please just listen to a few songs and buy their albums.  They’re the real deal.

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Jan 11 2012
6 Comments
News Like Item, Ramblings

New Van Halen Song SUX

Oh, boy. I don’t even know where to begin with this one…

A few years ago I found myself inexplicably drawn back into Van Halen.  Not the crappy “Van Hagar” albums, mind you, just the really awesome ones the original line-up did.  Then the much-ballyhooed “reunion” tour happened…yikes. The less said about that cluster-fuck/money grab the better.

That fat kid on the right is supposed to be the bassist...

Then things cooled on the Van Halen website and all was as it should be in the world. Then yesterday I was dicking around on iTunes and I saw that there was a “new” Van Halen song along with a new album available for pre-order.  Yes, that’s right kids…the tour has now spawned a new album, A DIFFERENT KIND OF TRUTH which comes out February 7.  With great reluctance, I hit the “preview” button on the album’s lead single, “Tattoo.”  As I waited for the clip to load, I thought:  “This doesn’t have to be fantastic, just don’t be embarrassing…”

Well embarrassing would be a step-up from this piece of garbage. 

To say that this is a shitty song is an understatement.  It’s the worst fucking thing I’ve heard all year* and I feel both sad and angry at Van Halen.  I don’t understand why these Dinosaurs of Rock don’t just fade off into the sunset like they’re supposed to.  If, after 20+ years of silence you want to get together and make music that’s fine–but don’t hire your fat son to play bass AND DON’T CALL IT VAN HALEN!  Anyway, the song, “Tattoo” is basically just David Lee Roth singing “Tattoo, tattoo, tattoo…sexy dragon tattoo…I’m in love with you” over and over and over and over and over again.  There is  generic guitar and there are drums (hooray?).  It’s so generic and bland that it’s hard to even make fun of it (except for Lee Roth’s lame-ass vocals, which are pretty damn lame).

This track is really bumming me out.

What’s worse, according to Sammy Hagar (ha!) this “new” Van Halen album is just a bunch of old songs the band’s had for years.  Now I’m a Van Halen fan, but I don’t pretend to be a super-mega-hardcore fan that can tell that this new song “Tattoo” is just a reworking of a never-recorded, but often-played song from the 1970s called “Down In Flames.”  But apparently the Red Rocker’s claims that the rest of Van Halen are about to drop an album of Van Halen-leftovers appears to be true (you can read all about it over at MTV).  Why come out of record-making retirement just to release a bunch of warmed-over rejects? I mean, it’s not like they haven’t had enough TIME to write BRAND NEW music. The fact that this song has been around (in some form) for longer than I’ve been alive makes me even sadder. I mean, you can’t polish a turd…no matter how long and hard you try.  I think Van Halen knew this song sucked, which is why they’re releasing it in 2012 as opposed to 1984 when people still cared.

So to recap, “Tattoo” is just another nail in the Van Halen coffin as far as I’m concerned. Just when we all though nothing could be as bad as fucking Wolfgang…this had to happen.  The only silver-linning that I can see is that 99.999% of people will not actually hear about this. So there is that…I still love classic Van Halen, but this ain’t it.

I’m going to encourage you to NOT watch this video, as it is fucking terrible.

 
*To be fair, the year just started.

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Jan 08 2012
2 Comments
Ramblings

Sunday Morning Chill-Out

There’s nothing better than lazing around the house on Sunday morning.  I like to make a pot of coffee, stay in my PJ’s, and listen to some good music.  Not everything “chill” has to be “lame,”  there’s some really awesome mellow music out there.  But what does the super-hipster-rock dork listen to when he wants to both maintain credibility AND be mellow in the morning?

How about a little David Bowie…in Portuguese! Brazilian singer-songwriter Seu Jorge did a whole album of classic David Bowie covers for the 2004 Wes Anderson film THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU.  You want mellow? Wrap your ears about Jorge’s smooth vocals and crisp acoustic renderings of one of rock’s trippiest artists. All the classics are covered, from “Changes,” “Suffragette City,” and of course the epic “Space Oddity.”  This is probably the best covers album I’ve ever heard in that, the songs are truly interpreted rather than just covered.  I realize that the reason these Bowie songs sound so phenomenal is because they’ve been translated into Portugese (an achingly beautiful language) but I also think Jorge is a fantastic singer.  This way more than just an album of note-by-note covers.

Sue Jorge, prior to learning how to hold an acoustic guitar.

Those wishing for something trippy AND recorded in English  could groove to the cosmic-mellowness that is Tame Impala’s album INNERSPEAKER.  Tame Impala is a fantastic Australian band that makes a noise I would call “dream pop.”  There’s lots of 1967-type mysticism in their lyrics, which is always good for a Sunday morning hangover.  Turn it up a bit, and let the psychedelia wash away your weekend worries.  I really like the echo-y Lennon-esque vocals and the fantastic drums.  Seriously, this band manages to have great, boisterous drums while still maintaing a laid back sound. The songs are all around the five minute mark and manage to walk the fine line between “trance-like” and “coma inducing.”  Though it’s most definetly “rock”  the band’s arragements are very jazz-inspired.

Apparently this is what Australia looks like...if you're on drugs.

I find them hypnotic, my wife says they make her sleepy–drink plenty of coffee (preferably from Dr. Robert) and you’ll be fine.  What do you like to listen to on Sunday morning?  Sound off in the comments section below.  And remember, stay chill.

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Jan 06 2012
2 Comments
Ramblings, Your Next Favorite Band

Your Next Favorite Band: BIG STAR

One of my favorite things to do is turn people onto the things that I love.  To that end, I’m going to use this blog to promote the stuff I like that’s  just as well known as it should be.  For my first installment let me introduce to you Big Star.

That is one big star.

I guarantee that you know at least one Big Star song, even if you’ve never heard of the band before.  Probably most famous for “In the Street,” which was covered by Cheap Trick and used as the theme song for THAT 70’s SHOW, Big Star continues to influence musicians today.  And while “In the Street” is a pretty bitchin’ song, it’s nothing compared to Big Star’s ballads.  Frontman Alex Chilton had this amazing, almost supernatural ability to write simple songs that were not only catchy as hell, but heartbreakingly honest.  I’m talking make-you-cry-it’s-that-beautiful.  The band only put out three albums #1 RECORD, RADIO CITY, and THIRD/SISTER LOVERS (the first two are sold almost exclusively together on one disc) but you know what they say about stars that burn twice as bright…

These men had the balls to call their first record "#1 Record".

As far as 1970’s rock goes, you can’t do much better than Big Star. The band’s production doesn’t sound particularly dated or cheesy, like a lot of 70’s music does (at least to these ears).  If you like The Kinks or REM you owe it to yourself to check out Big Star.

ESSENTIAL LISTENING:

1. “In the Street” off #1 RECORD

2. “The Ballad of El Goodo” off #1 RECORD

3.  “Thirteen” off #1 RECORD

4. “September Gurls” off RADIO CITY

5. “I’m in Love With a Girl” off RADIO CITY

6. “When My Baby’s Beside Me” off #1 RECORD

7. “The India Song” off #1 RECORD

I challenge you to all of those songs and not smile or tap your foot.  If you can do that then you are dead inside.

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Jan 05 2012
4 Comments
Album Reviews, CHINESE DEMOCRACY, Ramblings

Defending Axl Rose: PART #1 “Chinese Democracy”

Well it’s been a week, I guess it’s time I start defending Axl Rose.  Welcome to the first in a series of posts that will examine CHINESE DEMOCRACY, track-by-track.:

I’m not going to sit here and try to tell you that CHINESE DEMOCRACY is a perfect album or that it’s better than APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION.  It is my belief, however, that people dismissed CHINESE DEMOCRACY too quickly.  For one thing, the long delay in it’s release did nothing but raise expectations to a ridiculously high, completely unattainable level.  Time was also an enemy for the album in that 15 years passed between GNR albums. That’s a long time and in the music industry that’s practically a lifetime.  Styles change.  Trends come and go.  When Axl Rose released “THE SPAGETTI INCIDENT?” in 1993 people were still listening to music on the radio and watching music videos on MTV.  I guess what I’m saying is: the world moved on.

I feel like a lot of the negative reaction to the album had to do with people expecting Axl to pick up right where GNR left off all those years ago.  But why did fans expect or want Axl to stay locked in 1993?  Anyway, I can’t really explain why it took 15 years to make CHINESE DEMOCRACY, and I certainly don’t think it “sounds” like it took 15 years to make. What did does sound like is an older, more mature rockers attempt at a comeback album.  It incorporates what was great about his old work and adds to it some modern touches.  I think it was those modern touches that turned off most listeners, especially the old GNR fans. People who expected or wanted the record to sound like “Welcome to the Jungle” are missing the point of art and artists. Wanna hear “Welcome to the Jungle”? Go put on APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION.

The first track on CHINESE DEMOCRACY is, fittingly enough, “Chinese Democracy.”  Axl has stated publicly that the song is about the Chinese government and their poor treatment of the Dalai Lama.  It opens with a faint and ominous siren-like noise.  A chorus of quiet voices bleed over the sound of a guitar for a few seconds before we hear a louder, more highly processed guitar.  That was the first thing that suck out about both “Chinese Democracy” the song and the album-there are so many different guitar tones on this record it’s not even funny.  At first these crashing/clashing tones are pretty jaring. It sounds initially that these guitar sounds are just tossed around haphazardly, like Rose just threw the kitchen sink at CHINESE DEMOCRACY, but really what Axl does throughout the record is to create a lush, pulsing wall of sound.  It’s not out of control or random, the entire record is highly organized.  It reminds me of the symphonic work Brian Wilson did on PET SOUNDS.

I guess the Brian Wilson comparisons are easy, after all Wilson’s magnum opus SMILE (in it’s original form) was only just this past year  made available to the listening public. Both albums are the singular vision of musical geniuses, the only difference is that Rose seems to have lost the war with a lot of critics.  That said, I think that in 20 years it’ll be as highly regarded as SMILE.  Why do I think this? Well genius is very rarely recognized, at least initially.  And Axl doesn’t bend over backwards to make CHINESE DEMOCRACY likable or “easy.”

Axl lets us know right off the bat, ending his 15 year silence with this pronouncement:

“It don’t really matter/You’re gonna find out for yourself/No it don’t really matter/You’re gonna leave this thing somebody else.”

The song goes on to point a finger a China’s government and it’s use of an “iron fist” to subdue it’s people.  It’s accusatory and at the same time resigned in the fact that ultimately totalitarianism fails.  I find it ironic that Rose’s first album in 15 years is called CHINESE DEMOCRACY and seems to stab brutish dictators…the irony being that Rose is something of a brutish dictator himself.  A quick look at the personal of the album reads like a who’s-who of rock musicians (studio hands or otherwise).  So many people have credits on the damn thing it’s unreal.  And you know that for every person given proper credit there must be two people who aren’t.  Maybe I’m wrong about that, but it would seem that 15 years is an awful long time to remember whom to thank.  “Chinese Democracy” alone is credited as having five different guitarists (not counting two different bass players).   And then there are the people who started on the project and pissed Rose off and were booted off…

Regardless, “Chinese Democracy” is a fucking great rock song.  It’s rebellious, scary, and when you finish hearing it you are left with no doubts that Axl Rose has come screaming back like he’d never gone away.  Ignoring the fact that the song bookends a 15 year period of silence, I think “Chinese Democracy” is a great opener and a worthy addition to the GNR catalogue.

Next week I’ll continue my strange, track-by-track odyssee through CHINESE DEMOCRACY by looking at the second track “Shackler’s Revenge.” 

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Jan 04 2012
3 Comments
Ramblings

Guilty Pleasures: 5 Artists I Reluctantly Admit to Liking

Look, I like what I like. I’ll be the first to admit that I have great taste…and I also love the worst shit.  One of the nice things about being a mature adult, as opposed to a scared little boy, is that I just don’t care what people think.  Which is why I’m able to speak openly about so-called “guilty pleasures.”  You know, those things we all like but wouldn’t necessarily admit.

Well, no one’s twisting my arm, here are 5 of mine:

1. ROBBIE WILLIAMS: Britain’s most popular entertainer is also one of my all-time favorites.  The bravado. The ego. The amazingly catchy (and increasingly kitchy) songs. The positives are also the negatives when it comes to Mr. Williams.  Though he started out in a dopey boy-band, Robbie’s been realeasing consistently great pop records since the late 1990’s.  Too bad his fey, anglo-saxon schtick didn’t catch on over here in America. Oh well, I guess it’s just another example of Europe’s superiority.

Robbie Williams, man-above-town

CHECK OUT:  2002’s ESCAPOLOGY is probably the best “mature” Robbie record to date.  You should also pick up THE EGO HAS LANDED which is an American-only compilation of hits from first few British releases.

AVOID: The over-the-top dance/techno record RUDEBOX is awesome, but will probably turn most people off.

2. GENESIS: Everybody agrees that after Peter Gabriel left Phil Collins ran Genesis into the ground.  Well guess what? I find myself listening to “I Can’t Dance” way more than “The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway.”  There’s a reason that Genesis went double-mega-ultra platinum after Collins took the helm: I only sometimes want to hear a 7+ minute prog-rock song…but I always want to hear a 3 minute pop song.

Gabriel took all the pink hearts and blue horseshoes.

CHECK OUT: INVISIBLE TOUCH and 1983’s GENESIS are pretty much the gold-standard when it comes to Genesis.  Sure, they’re mostly Phil Collins solo-records, but who cares?

AVOID: STATION TO STATION the record the band released after Phil Collins left in 1996. No Collins? No Gabriel? No dice.

3. LADY GAGA: This one surprise you? Well it shouldn’t.  Lady Gaga’s first two records are pretty damn good.  “Bad Romance” and “Paparazzi” are great, catchy songs. The production alone is fantastic, period. I’m seeing a pattern here with these guilty pleasures: they’re all “pop” music.  What is it about a good pop song that makes us love it despite ourselves?

This is the stupidest cover for this album I could find.

CHECK OUT: THE FAME and THE FAME MONSTER.

AVOID:  BORN THIS WAY. My how the mighty have fallen.

4. METALLICA: Alight, now we’re getting to embarrassing. I think I’d rather tell people I like Lady Gaga before I told them I liked Metallica.  Why? We’ll besides being pretty meat-headed, Metallica has cultivated a reputation over the years as pretty much hating their fans (see Metallica vs. the Internet and LULU).  That said, once upon a time Metallica WAS metal.  To this day I get goosebumps listening to “One” and “For Whom the Bell Tolls.”  Sure, “Enter Sandman” has been overplayed, but that’s because it’s an awesome song.  It sucks to admit it: but I like Metallica.

A graveyard. How prophetic for Metallica's future artistic endeavors with Lou Reed.

CHECK OUT: MASTER OF PUPPETS and RIDE THE LIGHTNING.

AVOID: For crying out loud stay FAR away from LULU. If you don’t know what that is, consider yourself a lucky (better) person.

5. BREE SHARP: This is totally random. I almost didn’t put her on the list because she’s pretty obscure.  I decided I liked Bree Sharp after hearing her do a cover of Don Henley’s “The Boys of Summer” on an all-covers podcast a few years back.  I downloaded her album MORE B.S. and thought it was fantastic.  Songs like “Everything Feels Wrong” and “Morning in a Bar” are melancholy yet kinda dreamy at the same time.  I then proceeded to do a little research and found out that she’s mostly known for her semi-novelty song “David Duchovny” which is about her infatuation with the former X-Files star.  Yikes girl.

Look at that front-end! Oh, and there's a nice cab too.

CHECK OUT: MORE B.S. and her live album LIVE AT THE FEZ (if you can find it).

AVOID: Her 1999 debut record, A CHEAP AND EVIL GIRL, is pretty lame and dated.  A song about Agent Mulder, seriously?

(DIS)HONORABLE mentions must also go to: Van Hagar/Sammy Hagar, Jay-Z, Duncan Sheik, 14:59-era Sugar Ray, Lilly Allen, Sade, Mick Jagger (solo), and Ben Folds rapping.

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Jan 02 2012
5 Comments
Album Reviews, Ramblings

METAL MONDAY: Kvelertak, badass Viking music that’s good for punching stuff

Welcome to what I hope to be a (semi) recurring feature here at Defending Axl Rose: METAL MONDAY! I’m really excited to talk about Kvelertak, whose name is Norwegian for “Stranglehold.”  I gotta say, I love over-the-top metal.  In fact, I pretty much despise metal that takes itself too seriously.  Kvelertak is a six-piece Norwegian black metal band that are just the right amounts awesome and goofy as shit.  Their songs are all sung in Norwegian and from what I can decipher deal with Norse/Viking themes. I guess they could be saying anything and I wouldn’t know it, but honestly metal this powerful is pretty universal.

That owl is a pimp.

Kvelertak are most definitely a metal band but they have a lot of punk and hard rock sensibilities.  I really like their rich, diverse sound they have.  The band makes good use acoustic guitar and piano in some of their songs, without making them feel gimmicky or forced.  Aggressive (or high energy if you prefer) while at the same time very melodic, Kvelertak is great for working out or just punching stuff. These guys are damn fine musicians and their guitar riffs/hooks are pretty memorable.

My favorite tracks are  “Blodtorst,” “Mjod,”  “Liktorn,” and “Nekroskop.”  All of which are loud, complex, and in your face awesome.  All of the album tracks hit hard and fast and always leave you wanting more.  That last part is most important to me because unlike a lot of metal bands, Kvelertak tend to keep their songs right around the 3 1/2 to 4 minute mark. I find that by arranging their songs like more traditional rock/pop songs, Kvelertak keeps me from getting bored.  The usual metal tropes like stupidly long intros or overly lengthy solos pretty much absent from KVELERTAK.  Don’t get me wrong, I like a good solo but sometimes it’s best to be left wanting more. And Kvelertak definitely leave me wanting more.

Their first album, KVELERTAK came out this year in the US, but was originally released back in 2010.  I first heard about the band from Metalsucks (a pretty righteous metal website) who sang their praises.  After hearing a few of their songs I illegally downloaded the album and enjoyed it for an entire year. When they finally came to iTunes in America this year I instantly snapped it up (it came with 4 extra live tracks and 2 demos, but honestly it was so damn good I just wanted to give them my money).

And let me just say, I haven’t seen such an awesome album cover in quite a while, metal or otherwise.  It’s hypnotic and sexy.  I know it’s wrong to judge a book by it’s cover, but that cover art was one of the reasons I decided to give Kvelertak a listen in the first place.  Metal bands take note: sometimes a big bloody skull is not the best way to attract knew fans.

I was also impressed to see Kvelertak listed as “Breakthrough Artist of the Year” in the metal category on iTunes End-of-the-Year Rewind. Clearly they’ve made a big impact on the American metal scene, I hope they grow into a major metal act in the years to come.  If like me, you got some iTunes gift cards this holiday season you should pop over to iTunes and download KVELERTAK, if you like thundering Viking music you won’t be disappointed.

KVELERTAK gets an “A” for thundering through my brain for over a year and half. 

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Jan 01 2012
6 Comments
Ramblings

2011: The Year of the Battling Gallagher Brothers

Sibling rivalry. 

 In my head, having a brother is like having a built-in best friend, though I know the reality is very different.  Everyone I know with a brother seems to have some sort of issue with him.  Noel and Liam Gallagher, the creative force behind the last great british rock band that mattered, have to my knowledge always been in a state of embattlement.  Locking horns over creative differences is one thing, giving each other brutal back-stage beat downs is something else entirely.

The Gallagher Brothers...in better days.

When the boys could work together, the music they produced was astounding. Oasis never was anything other than two British lads trying to out-Beatle The Beatles. In the 1990’s it worked and Oasis became a household name with hits like “Wonderwall” and “Champagne Supernova.”  But then drugs and conflict pulled the band down a rabbit hole of mediocrity and diminishing album sales.  Initially I was not a fan of the brutish Brit-rockers.  I found Liam’s nasally, Lennon-obsessed vocals to be grating.  And I didn’t see much value in Noel’s rather by-the-numbers balladry.  I’d always been a huge Beatles fan growing up, and I found Oasis to be more  rip-off than torch-passing tribute.  I’ve softened on this position over the years and my appreciation of Oasis oddly grew as their general fame receded.

During the late 1990’s and early 2000’s Oasis put out a string of competent, though somewhat spotty albums that were both risky and highly indulgent.  Most people were turned off by albums like STANDING ON THE SHOULDERS OF GIANTS and HEATHEN CHEMISTRY, but I found them to be much more interesting than their “safer” Beatle-esque material.  This period of the band’s life was marked by heavier (than usual) in-fighting and heavy cocaine abuse.  Then in 2005 the band released DON’T BELIEVE THE TRUTH and had a minor comeback.

In 2008 the band released DIG OUT YOUR SOUL and went on tour.  I was lucky enough to see Oasis perform in Chicago on what was to be their final tour.  The concert was great but the album they were supporting was lackluster.  When the band broke up in 2009 I was saddened but not surprised.   The boys had finally called it quits after some sort of altercation occurred back stage and Liam ended up breaking Noel’s guitar. These type of shenanigans, which seemed quaint back in the “Wonderwall” days seemed pathetic.  Especially when you consider that they’re both pretty damn old to still be getting in backstage fights.  If you can’t get along then move on.

Which is what both brothers said they were going to do.  I didn’t anticipate the both of them to release albums this year.  I figured, like I think most people did, that when Oasis broke up that would be the end of the brothers Gallagher.  I thought that perhaps they’d fight over the name Oasis, maybe even mount competing tours. I can close my eyes and almost see each of them proclaiming their version to be the “true” Oasis.

Liam, I was certain, was going to be fucked without Noel.  He was the principal singer but not the band’s main songwriter. All the big hits were Noel’s, who besides writing songs was also the lead guitarist.  In fact, when Oasis played live, Liam seemed very awkward just standing there, waiting to sing.  He’d often clutch a tambourine, to give himself something to hold, but for the most part he looked pretty lost.  When one of Noel’s songs came up (the ones he actually sang), Liam would leave the stage entirely.

So the brother who wrote less, played no instruments, and was generally regarded to be the chief fuck of the band was going to have a hard time as a solo act.  That much I was sure.  Noel, on the other hand, seemed more like George Harrison–a brilliant artist stifled by being in the world’s biggest band. Surely the break-up of Oasis would be a good thing for his career/music.  Without Liam constantly offering him roadblocks and hoging the limelight, he’d be free to become the star he always seemed to be.  That’s what I thought was going to happen.

But life is funny and people are always surprising.  Liam and the remaining members of Oasis formed the band Beady Eye and announced they were recording an album only months after the break-up.  Two years later DIFFERENT GEAR, STILL SPEEDING came out and was pretty damn good.  Not only did Liam beat Noel to the punch by having his album come out first, it wasn’t a complete distaster.  “Bring the Light” a rollicking piano number and “The Roller” were better than anything late-period Oasis were putting out, even on their “comeback” DON’T BELIEVE THE TRUTH.  Not every track was what I’d call classic, but the album didn’t disappoint. Liam hadn’t embarrassed himself.

Noel and Liam, wondering which them is inappropriately dressed.

So, if Liam’s album was great then Noel’s album was going to be FANTASTIC.  Right?  Well there was silence on the Noel Gallagher front for several months, then it was announced that his album and band was going to be called NOEL GALLAGHER’S HIGH FLYING BIRDS.  When I finally got my hands on the album I recognized two of the songs.  Unlike Liam (who was not regarded as the writer) Noel had recycled two unreleased Oasis songs for his solo debut.  Those tracks, “(I Wanna Live In a Dream In My) Record Machine” and “Stop the Clocks.” These songs aren’t super-obscure either.  Hell, they played “Record Machine” when I saw them in Chicago and “Stop the Clocks” was the TITLE of their greatest hits compilation (though it was ultimately left off because Noel wasn’t done tinkering with it). Noel the master songwriter had taken longer to release an album of old songs?

Something didn’t feel right.  And while NOEL GALLAGHER’S HIGH FLYING BIRDS is just as good as Beady Eye’s album, there’s still something very wrong with that.  I almost feel like Liam stepped his game up for the Beady Eye record and Noel slacked off and gave us something good but not his best work. The two Oasis-era songs were good and “If I Had A Gun…” and the single “The Death of You and Me” are very catchy…but ultimately I feel like by not completely screwing up his album, Liam stole some of Noel’s thunder.  Both Liam and Noel are busy touring and have announced new albums for next year.  Only time will tell if the Gallagher brothers will ever make amends and reform Oasis.  If they weren’t family, I’d say it was a remote possibility, but with blood you never can tell.

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Dec 30 2011
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Ramblings

Scenes From A Mall: Why is store music so BAD?

I spent the better part of today inside a shopping mall.  That bastion of capitalism isn’t what it once was, let me tell you. When I was a kid, I used to love visiting Sam Goody, where I’d flip through the racks of CDs.  I remember there were posters for new albums up by the register along with a big whiteboard that outlined the next four weeks worth of releases.  In an age before the Internet, that whiteboard was sometimes the only way to know if a band you liked was about to put out a new record.

But I digress, this post is about music and not music stores.  I went dress shopping with my kid sister and my mother.  While they were in the dressing rooms of several large department stores (I won’t name-names, I don’t want to embarrass anyone) I sat in that sad corner of the store.  You know what corner I’m talking about, the one with the plush but still uncomfortable chair.  The corner tucked away behind the picked-over sales rack.  Beyond the deep discounts, far from the front door,  I sat and played with my iPhone.

After sitting there for a few minutes, I noticed the noxious music playing overhead.  It was upbeat and pulsating, yet very non-threatening.  Energetic but dead.  There was also something vaguely familiar about it, but I couldn’t place any of the artists or the songs I was hearing.  That’s pretty rare for me, usually I can at least tell the artist if not the actual song. Intrigued, I fired up my Shazam app.  What I found was worse than I could have possibly imagined.

The first song that I tagged was by a band called The Dining Rooms.  I did a little research and found out that The Dining Rooms are an Italian band who play a dull mix of electronic jazz.  They derive their name from the fact that the music they create is meant to be something played quietly at a dinner party.  This music is essentially white noise for elegant dinning.  I can’t think of anything more offensive, artistically, than music designed to fill in the gaps between dinner pleasantries.  How do the people in The Dining Rooms sleep at night knowing that, if they do their jobs correctly, people will pay their songs little to no heed?

This really disturbed me.  The songs seemed to be a mix of this bland, meant-to-be-talked-over generic electric jazz and what I would call “wuss-rock.”  While not made by women, Wuss-Rock is always meant for them.  It has all the elements of normal rock music, but the handsome yet strangely effeminate singer usually over-emotes over a bed of pro-tools infused guitar and mechanically hollow drums.

I’d never heard of Josh Kelly or his song “20 Miles To Georgia” but I could have sworn I had.  He sounded a bit like Josh Groban,  Jason Mraz,  or even a castrated John Mayer.  The song wasn’t good or bad, it just sort was. I can’t remember anything about it other than the fact that it seemed overly earnest and packed with more emotion that the lyrics seemed to demand.

I guess this vague familiarity is what department stores want.  I suppose most people don’t really pay any attention, so why spend the money for Josh Groban when you can get a sound-alike who’ll pass?  As if going to the mall could be any more depressing, they have to barrage us with this soulless pap. 

For full disclosure, it wasn’t all bad-I must admit that I did like “It’s Amazing” by a singer named Jem.  Of course, I might have liked her so much because she was a palate cleanser of sorts for the dreadfully boring Dining Rooms.

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